Archive for November, 2010

it has been long time i didn’t talk to him and it feels so nice to hear his voices. we are so far away. sometimes he will call me to know my condition and how does i am. it’s rarely can talk to him because i know he’s busy and tired because of his works at school. sometimes i feel miss him so much. i miss his talk and i miss his care to me. no one will care me like him. when i really have no one to talk to or i cant count on my friends or my siblings, i’ll find him because i know he’ll be there for me and be a good listener and a good adviser to me. he’ll judge me but he has the right to do so. he knows me more than myself. when i was born he was there and take care of me. no one can replace him from my life. he’s always be my hero.

he gave me everything that i want. from shelter, loves, money, time and all he has, he gave it all to me and the family.  he always make things look easier and make things perfect. he never want to see his family in trouble or in problem. i dont know what will happen to me when i lost him from my life. i really dont want. i promise to myself that in his older life i’ll be there for him and will take care of him till the end of his time. i love my dad so much…


i just dont know…..

Posted: November 6, 2010 in Uncategorized

I just don’t know what did happen to myself. I think that part of me is not me anymore. I really don’t know where did it comes from. I know it’s not me but I also wondering how did that kind of side appear into my life now. I don’t be able to trust anybody. Sometimes I feel want to run away from people who knows me. I don’t want them to know anything about me and I keep hiding things about myself from them. I barely don’t understand myself. I being too sensitive to my only best friend and I can simply be mad to her. I lie to her and I’m putting a gap in the  between. I don’t know how much longer I have to be like this because I really don’t like it. My mood can be unstable anytime and unable to control myself when I’m in anger state. I feel want to hurt people even I know I’ll be regret it later.

I can change myself in the blink of eyes. Sometimes people misunderstood with my act. They simply think that and make the conclusion among them. How could I trust people who don’t trust me and simply betray me. I love all people who know and care about me. I never have the intention to hurt them unless they hurt me first.  I really don’t have anyone to talk about this because I know they will never understand me. I’m also afraid they will simply judge me without knowing the truth. Sometimes I feel I’m all alone in a crowd…