Archive for August, 2011

Posted: August 22, 2011 in Uncategorized

I know that you’re lying to me,
You made up stories to cover up your lies,
I don’t know why did you lie to me,
But this time I’m not going to hurt,
Because I know the truth that you’re trying to hide,
Maybe you’re denying the truth,
Or maybe you don’t want to hurt me,
I make you believe that I’m fooled by your lies when actually I’m not,
I make you believe that I’m okay with everything when actually I’m not,
I prefer to lie and just pretend if it’s the best to keep us attach,
But I only lie about my feeling towards you,
And I only pretend that I don’t care too much about you,
Because I don’t want to ruin the things between us,
And I don’t want to lose you again even though sometimes I did think about that,
I just want you to know something that,
You’re not that clever to fool me,
And I’m not that stupid to be fooled by you,

 e.L.y.F.j.k.

Posted: August 22, 2011 in Uncategorized

It’s so hard to live in a life that full of lies and pretending. But I did choose to live that way of life. What a life!…
21 August 2011

It’s never be an easy thing when it comes to handle the feeling when suddenly you found yourself still attach to something that you know you can’t have and you need to let it go. 
And the worst part is when you know that you can’t do anything about it but only endure it with smiles and lies…
21 August 2011 

Lies and Pretending…

Posted: August 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

I always love all the moments we had together even though later it only brings hurt to me,
Because it’s only temporary sweet happy moments that I can’t recall back.
I’m so sorry for all the sweet lies and pretending I gave to you.
I had the intention to lie and pretend but I never meant to hurt you.
I just want to save my heart from being hurt again because no one will help me to save it for me.
I just found myself still attach to you.
I know I can’t have you and I really need to get rid the feeling.
If only I didn’t have those feeling before I’ll never be at this state now.
Sometimes I feel so burden because of all these.
If only you found out my lies, I’m sorry.
If only you found I’m just pretending, I’m sorry.
If only you don’t believe in me any more, I’m sorry. 
If only you found me not me any more, I’m sorry. 
If only you don’t like what I did to you, I’m sorry.
If only you can’t stand having a forgetful friend like me, I’m sorry.
I’m not a perfect person who can make you satisfy all the time.
I’m just an ordinary friend that full of weakness.
Maybe I did once being a good friend to you but not any more.


e.L.y.F.j.k.

Posted: August 20, 2011 in Uncategorized

Missing your so called ex-close friend hurts more compared to miss your ex-boyfriend… =)
July 28 at 1:44am

 

After all the things that happen to me, there’s a great fear to get so attached with someone because it’s hard to believe when I still fail to take the responsibility from the past and I keep hurting innocent people that I care so much…
I am a complicated person and endure me if you think it’s worthy…

Sometimes I am not me but still I am me… =)
July 29 at 12:47am

 

When I say you’re an evil, I forgot to see myself…I’m an evil too…
July 29 at 2:27am

 

‎”I like it so much everytime you make me feel needed and I like to spend most of my left time with you. I’m going to trust you so don’t let me down this time. I don’t love you like I did before but the feeling is still there. I care about you more that you could imagine because you’re always someone to me.”
August 7 at 12:28am

 

 

I wish I was drunk once in front of you so I can simply tell all the things I want you to know. I might forget the words I told you but I hope you’ll never forget it.
August 8 at 11:22pm

Posted: August 17, 2011 in Uncategorized

When it feels like something bad is going to happen;
I rather choose to ignore it.

When it feels like I start to think about you;
I’ll find another strong distraction to distract me.

When I know I’m going to hurt;
I choose not to think about it.

When I know you’re hiding something from me;
I just let it be.

When I realize you did fool me;
I just pretend to be fine and look okay in front of you.

When I realize you just using me;
I just let you win because I know the game you play on me.

When I realize you lie to me;
I tell you another sweet lies because you say truth can hurt someone.

When I know life is hard;
I keep telling myself that life is so simple and easy.

When I realize the time has come;
I know I need to let you go and I can’t have those feelings towards you.

When I feel my life is having a better day;
I know that time I really did get over you.

=)

 e.L.y.F.j.k.

New Life…

Posted: August 17, 2011 in Uncategorized

I don’t know why but it feels like I’m having a real new life,
It feels so nice and nothing to worry about,
My life feels so much better with no burden at all,
I’m still thinking about you but it feels so different now,
I don’t miss or love you as much as I do before,
And if I do, it’s not as deep as before,
The feeling has totally changed,
I don’t feel hurt anymore every time I think about you,
I don’t have all those feelings I’ve towards to you anymore,
Maybe because I don’t give hope on you anymore,
Maybe because I don’t keep holding on something I can’t have,
Maybe because I start to accept the truths,
Now I able to see something that I’m not able to see before,
When I did fall for you I can’t feel or see anything else but only you,
Thanks God for making me realize what the best for my life.

e.L.y.F.j.k. 

Just…

Posted: August 17, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Just use me the way u want because I don’t mind.
Just fool me as many times u want because I don’t mind.
Just treat me the way u want because I don’t mind.
Just leave and ignore me if u want because I don’t mind.
Just pretend like nothing ever happen because I don’t mind at all.
Because I’m done with you and I’m over you… =)

e.L.y.F.j.k.

Dear you,

Posted: August 13, 2011 in Uncategorized

Dear you,

I think the time has come and I think I need to let go the feeling I’ve towards you.
I keep holding on it for past few years and I think it’s enough.
I’m giving up on you because I know there’s nothing will happen between us.
You made no mistake but I am.
If only I didn’t have that kind of feeling to you, we’ll never  be like this.
I don’t love you anymore because it just give pain to me,
I don’t miss you because you’re not in my heart anymore,
I don’t want you anymore like I do before because I’m happy with what we’re now.
You’re so near to me but it just you know nothing about what I feel now.
I’m so sorry because recently I lie a lot to you.
Before this you’re the only person on this earth I never lie to but now everything has change.
I lie to you because I don’t want you to know the truths.
Because the truths can change everything and it can make the past happen again.
I’m so sorry for lying and being able to fool you with all my laughs and my smiles.
When you say you don’t care I know you care but it just you don’t want to admit it.
Sometimes I think I know you but sometimes I feel like I’m seeing a stranger.
I’m a liar. I’m a bad girl. I’m not a good friend to you anymore. I’m really sorry for who I am now.
The past really change me a lot and sometimes I don’t know myself.
I can’t blame the past but I should be grateful with everything that happen to me.
I learn a lot about this life. I learn to be stronger person in and out of me.
I can’t simply ignore you because you always here near to me.
You’re once my stranger -> ordinary friend -> best friend -> special friend and now we’re just best friend.
Nothing more, nothing less. I’ll treat your fairly like my other friends.
I know you never consider me more than just your best friend and it was my own mistake for asking more than that.
My life has been so miserable and crazy because of the feeling I’ve for you.
I did close my heart and no one able to come into my life because I still keep you inside there.
I can’t see the sign of another love because of the feeling I’ve for you.
I’m not blaming you for the things that happen to me in the past few years,
Because during that time I did hurt you and make you cry too.
I said that I don’t love you like I did before but the feeling is still there.
I still care about you so please don’t let me down for many times.
Because if you hurt me so many times I can’t stand it and you’ll know what will I do later.
I’ll avoiding  and ignoring you like I did before.
Even though you say you don’t care I know you’re still enduring the pain when being neglect by me.
I like to act fool in front of you because it so nice to let you win and see you happy.
Just accept me for who I am when I’m with you.
Never ask me anything about this if you don’t brave enough to hear the truths.
Because you might  hear something you don’t want to hear.

Sincerely, 

ell 

this is stupid!!!

Posted: August 10, 2011 in Uncategorized

why you always make me sad?

why you always make me cry?

why you always be the reason i cry?

it has been a long time i didnt cry but once again i did cry.

i really hate this feeling ok?

i hate it so much because it always make me feel stupid.

why you keep doing the things i dont like ?

why you being so stubborn?

i did say the things i dont like right?

then why you still doing it ah?

i hate you so much as much i love you.

please dont do this to me bah… 😦

i feel want to cry loud but i know no one is listening.

i really crying now n i still writing this stupid shit.

i feel like a shit…damn shit…:(

I close my eyes…

Posted: August 9, 2011 in Uncategorized

When I see you come, I’ll just walk away and dont even look at you;

When you’re so near with me, I’ll step backward a little bit;

When you’re talking, I’ll pretend not to listen with my earphone in my ears;

When you’re laugh, I’ll just smile and pretend nothing is funny;

When you look sad, I try not to care at all;

When you try to talk to me, I show that I dont feel want to talk;

When it was only us at that place, it will be me who leave the place first;

When you being annoy by others, I’ll just watch and dont go to protect you;

When you glance at me, I pretend not to realize and just neglect your eyes;

When you with him, you’ll see me being cool but still enduring;

When you was just there, I’ll just close my eyes;

Because I dont want to see those eyes that once know me so well before…