Archive for September, 2018


Posted: September 2, 2018 in Life, Love, Relationship
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So many people together, but not in love.

So many people in love, but not together.


No one knows…

Posted: September 2, 2018 in God, Life, Love, Relationship
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Nobody has to know how many days and nights I pray to the Lord to help me to get through my toughest time. It’s not easy. It’s so hard where many times I feel like I’m falling deeper into my deepest sorrow. Everyday is a struggle to me. Too many times I feel I can’t do it anymore and the only thing I can think of is to die. I thought that death is the answer to my pain. I feel hopeless, I gave up and I can’t think straight or be positive anymore. All I want at that moment is to stop all the pain. It hurts so much and worse I hate myself and I blame myself for everything that happened. Almost every night I cry alone in my room while hugging tight to my bolster. I bring it closer to my face to cover up my sobbing sound. Every morning, I woke up with sunken eyes. Nobody dares to ask since I started to distance myself from the others. I feel angry and down all the time. I feel so fragile and vulnerable. I look like a mess and I realize it, but it just I can’t do the right things for myself. I don’t know what to feel. At one point, I feel so numb; to everything surround me. I feel I can’t be saved anymore. Everyday I pray hard even I don’t have faith anymore during that time.

Everything has changed now. I never feel better than the person I am now. It is a new start for me. Thank you God for listening to my prayers and show me your compassion. I’ll do better this time with You in me, God. I am counting every single blessing in my life now.


Posted: September 2, 2018 in Life, Love, Relationship
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Maybe there’s a thought come to your mind why I always ready to leave then come back, but never stay for real.

” I’m toxic to you. I don’t know how to stay beside you and don’t get hurt. As much as I want to stay, when the pain suddenly show up, it still hurts so much. I’m so selfish that I still want you. “